city of blinding lights;

work has been easy & simple.
there aint many customers.
and for the very first time..
i feel that work's kinda fun.
laughoutlouds. i know im insane.
bwahahahas (:
working schedule...
tuesday, thursday & friday.
and wednesday's..
the crew rally. sighs~
i so so so dont wanna go. LOL.

tonight's my death date.
dont know how am i suppose to feel now.
am worried, am upset.
am feeling very very very terrible.
but anyways. ive yet to buy hair spray.
will get it soon i guess. ive to spray. if not...
i'd have troubles when looking for some ass.
school's seriously nothing but trouble.
but still, i hope i'd get into express4.
if not, i'll go jump.
and im serious about that. hah.
anyways. God Bless (:

feeling so terrible. sighs.
its like... i dont know.
being left out is terrible enough.
if its because i stay at punggol...
and you guys leave me out..
i seriously dont know what to do.
it aint my fault that ive to move..
its not as if im unwilling to look for you.
again, i feel as though im used.
you come to me when you need me.
and treat me as though im an irritant,
when you guys dont need me.
well, is this what you call friends?
seriously, im sad to say..
i feel as though no one friend i have..
is ever true to this ''friendship''...
not even one i guess.
i wont say its all their fault.
i may be at fault. but where?
aint friends suppose to be true?
to share things with one another?
if friends are meant to be used,
or are those that are of advantage to you..
i'd rather not have you as my friend.
some times, i really feel as though..
ive fallen to the very bottom of a valley.
the feeling aint good.
its terrible...

im so envious of my sisters.
they've friends who stood by them,
through thick and thins.
unlike me, they've best friends.
they've friends who understand them.
they've friends who'll be there for them.
and me? ive to be there for you,
when in times of need.
and if i dont, you'll fall out with me.
and not even one's here for me...
when i need just a listening ear.
or perhaps, a shoulder to cry on.
ive a handphone, with 300+ numbers.
ive to look through my phonebook,
time and time again, for over 5 times..
just to look for someone out for a chat,
when i aint feeling good or happy..
and sad to say, no one's ever free.
friends.. sometimes i just wonder,
how many friends do i have exactly?
it seems that ive no true friends.
let alone the thought of having a best friend.
pathetic, isnt it? haha.

well, gonna go drinking tonight.
i need some serious drinking.
and to get drunk if possible.
i dont wanna stay sober.
for i dont wanna be upset.
upset by the fact that...
he's no longer there when i need him,
friends of mine aint true,
the school's all biased and crap,
my results/posting may fail me.
im feeling hurt, and pain.

no one knows what i really want.
no one really understands me.

are you even willing,
to lend me a shoulder to cry on?
if you're to walk out on me,
i seriously dont know what am i to do.
for, you seem true-er than anyone else...

posted by babies- @ 6:34:00 AM